What am I doing?!

Is this enough?  To do the daily grind; to "get through" each day and put the kids in bed and get up again to do the same thing.  Is it enough?  Should I be doing something bigger?   Should I be doing something more for You, Lord?? 

I'm not helping the needy in a third world country, I'm not singing for You, I'm not speaking for You, I'm not sharing Your word with people, I'm not doing alot of things that I could think of that would make a difference in Your kingdom.  But, I know that I can't just sit here and come up with something and decide that's my purpose.  I know that I can't do any of those things or anything else unless and until I first seek Your more and give You my all. 

My heart yeaaarrrrns to please You!  My heart is sad today at the thought of how little I seek You.  I want more than anything to do Your will.  But do I know what that is??  Am I doing what You want me to do?  I know, Lord, that you will show me.  I know that right now you are preparing me.  You are teaching me daily lessons and softening my heart.  Jesus, I know that you're working on me and I know that if I choose daily to abide in You, no matter what I'm doing, no matter how big or small the task, that You WILL speak to me and show me what to do.  And maybe right now it's to minister to my children and my husband and make sure they're taken care of.  I don't want to be so presumptuous to think that you would privilege me with doing more than that, because I'm not even giving that my all.  Lord, all I KNOW is that I need to ABIDE in You and You will show me. 
Lord, draw me again and again closer to You.  Speak to my heart and show me the things You have for me.  Jesus, I long to be nearer to You.  Give me the grace to do Your will.  Help me to choose every day to ABIDE in Your presence so that I will know Your heart.  I want You to use me, Lord, but first, I know You have alot of work to do in me.

"From prayer that asks that I may be

Sheltered from winds that beat on Thee,

From fearing when I should aspire,

From faltering when I should climb higher

From silken self, O Captain, free

They soldier who would follow Thee.

From subtle love of softening things,

From easy choices, weakenings,

(Not thus are spirits fortified,

Not this way went the Crucified)

From all that dims Thy Calvary

O Lamb of God, deliver me.

Give me the love that leads the way,

The faith that nothing can dismay

The hope no disappointments tire,

The passion that will burn like fire;

Let me not sink to be a clod;

Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God."

-Amy Carmichael